Dictionary for Dumbies

Ok, so here's the deal. I'm sick of hearing all these terms that I have no idea what they mean. Then, I tryed looking them up on the internet, and BAM I'm hit by all these weird messed up deffinitions with words longer than 4 letters and only someone with a PHD would be able to decipher.

So either can someone send me (preferably hott, AND SINGLE) guy with a PHD, or give me the address of a dictionary for dumbies!